I’m bringing sexy back

Are you singing the Justin Timberlake song too after reading the title? I’ve been humming it for days so I’m sorry for the ear worm. Sexy. Hmmm, not a word I’d really use to describe myself. Fun, maybe. Dependable, yeah. Mumsy even. Sexy? Not in a long time. It wasn’t something I’d even considered until The King paid me this weird, unintentionally backhanded compliment the other day.

Imagine, you’re standing in the kitchen, glasses covered in steam from standing too close to a pot you’re stirring. The rest of the family are in the living room, watching a film and talking about any and everything. You hear your partner say to your daughter, “your mum was so sexy when I met her” or something to that effect. Your daughter, being nine years old, of course finds this comment to be both hilarious and gross in equal measures, but ever the smart whip, instantly picks up on the past tense used in the comment.

“was sexy, Daddy? As in you don’t think she is anymore?” Ooh she smelled conflict and was going in for the kill. By this point my glasses had cleared up, I’m back in the living room, giving major side eye to The King and seeing where he’s going to go from here.

Obviously deeper.

Always digging deeper.

He went on to explain to our dear daughter that mummy used to wear the tightest of clothes, and walk like it hurt to move. In a good way. He’s right, I did! I also just oozed confidence and self assuredness.

I looked down at my furry onesie I was currently wearing at 6pm on a weekday evening. Made a silent note that underneath it was a pair of full blown granny knickers and a nursing bra that had seen better days. Shrugging, I looked at The King and said “meh, I guess we could kind of try harder” smiling at the thought of 18 year old Tinuke in her Beyonce worthy ensemble just to do the food shop I set myself a challenge. I’m bringing sexy back.

Ruwan Hamdy

Now, what is sexy though?

I’m not saying I’m going to start rocking tops with necklines that plunge to my belly button. There are so many reasons why that won’t be happening. For one, I’m nursing and no amount of tit tape will be able to keep thesis babies in place. For another, it’s freezing cold outside. But, most importantly, that’s not what sexy is to me.

For me, sexy isn’t a dress size, nor a particular cup size.

There is no one way to be or look sexy. It’s both within the eye of the beholder and within you. Don’t let a magazine editor’s look du jour make you feel inferior or that you have to change your look or size to fit in with the images you see on screen or on paper. In the same way I tell my girls not to change their personalities in order to be liked. 

It’s not a type of hair style or eye colour. I feel sexy when I feel confident, when I feel at peace with my body, the way it looks and feels. It’s about having a positive body image. So I’m not going on a crash diet or saving up for plastic surgery. I’m reminding myself to be confident. To take some time out for self care. To be sensual not just safe.

Dc Lovensky

Sexy is as much a state of mind as it is the clothes you dress in. It comes from within, it comes with confidence. The way you carry yourself is sexy. The way you think is sexy. I don’t think, or feel particularly sexy, I think if I tried to strut my stuff seductively, I’d burst out laughing before I made it to the end of the hallway.



It’s time to become one with my body, with who I am again. To remember that yes, I am a busy mum with a full time job, a home to look after and a family to feed but it doesn’t mean I can’t be in touch with my femininity too.

Where to start?

I’m thinking that I stopped feeling sexy gradually, over many years, so it’s not something that will change overnight. I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s put functionality and practicality first and in that, lost a bit of their sensuality? Being a parent and working seems to have overtaken everything and I haven’t had the inclination to take time out for me, as an adult, as a woman. If you feel the same, why not set yourself a challenge to bring sexy back too?

Bart Zimny

First steps to bringing sexy back

Everyone is different, what I find ‘sexy’, you may not. What makes me feel sexy, may not work for you. But this is what I plan to do first, feel free to try too:

Find time for a sensual bubble bath, complete with essential oils, bath salts and of course candles and music.
Buy some new lingerie. The granny panties can stay too, but let’s add something gorgeous in th mix
Look in the mirror and compliment yourself. Tell yourself what it is about your body that you love.



I’ll keep you posted in my journey to brining sexy back. I’ve decided. much as last year was all about me trying to live with intention, this one is about me getting back in touch with myself. I’ve already started trying to be kinder to my body and have started a project with the awesome Thelma Mensah who runs After 9 Fitness, to repair my pelvic floor muscles, post baby Bob. The added body confidence knowing I can laugh or sneeze without risking a little wee will go a long way in the sexy back project!

I’d love to hear your own stories of finding yourself, of becoming more confident in your body image, in your sexuality or anything else you became enlightened about in your journey. If you also want to bring sexy back, drop me a comment, let’s do this!!

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