This guest post is brought to you by Fiona, the brilliant voice behind Free Range Chick. Her words have a way of making me feel as if I’ve known her all of my life. Take a couple of minutes to get to know her and her parenting story.
It never ceases to amaze me how life can change so dramatically, how your big life plan can deviate so far from the path that you always envisaged it would take.
My current life looks a little like this; I stay at ‘home’ full-time with my pre-school children, at my in-laws’ house in a part of London I detest, while my husband goes out to work full-time as an electrician.
The previous, and very different picture was this; I used to work full-time as a cardiac specialist nurse in a big London hospital, lived with my husband in our lovely rented two-bed maisonette in a part of London that I loved, and enjoyed the lifestyle of a couple with no children and two good salaries.
But children happened. They were very-much wanted and planned for, but actually, I don’t think you can ever truly plan the life that children take you to. With all the will in the world, you cannot predict exactly how you’ll feel when they’re here, when they’re in your arms and desperate to have you by their side at all times.
I won’t lie, it was a major culture-shock going from independent living to parenting with an audience, in a shared space
My big plan was to return to work after maternity leave, back to my much-loved career that I worked hard to get to, and that I was happy in.
Everyone did it. Everyone had their babies, then went back to work. This is what women fought so hard for, the right to have their families and go to work. The right to have their cake and eat it. But after my kids arrived, and I held them in my arms, I realised that I wanted to eat a different cake.
My kids are 18-months different in age. When Finley was 9-months old, I discovered I was pregnant again, weeks after returning to work after maternity leave. Yes, my boss loved me!
At the time I figured that I would just have Fraser and then would be able to wrangle part-time hours when I returned. However, that didn’t materialise. It became apparent that I would only be able to return to work on a full-time basis.
This would have meant that I would be leaving a baby and a toddler each day for 11 hours, not to mention dragging them both out of bed at 5am each day, and splitting them up from each other. This sounded pretty brutal to me. The thought of leaving them, and them being apart broke my heart. I couldn’t do it.
My husband Ian and I discussed how we would get around it, and something had to give. As much as I loved my career, it really wasn’t worth the heartache of breaking the family up. Not for us. The kids’ happiness and upbringing in their early life was more important to us than my job.
So I resigned.
As daunting as it seemed, it was surprisingly easy to let it go.Of course, we had the dilemma of where we were going to live to deal with. There was no way we could afford the rent on our place with one salary, as well as the sky-high living costs of having children.
So we moved out.
My in-laws were kind enough to help us out and open their house to us while we sorted ourselves out and decided what we would do.
I won’t lie, it was a major culture-shock going from independent living to parenting with an audience, in a shared space. But it was our only option and I wouldn’t have been able to give up work without this option.
We’ve been there for just under 18 months now, and it is at times testing. However, the kids are thriving being at home with me, and with each other. Their development is exceptional, both with outstanding verbal skills for their ages, as well as a grasp of numbers and logic. I can’t help but wonder whether they would be as bright if they had been in full-time childcare.
As for me, I truly and honestly do not miss nursing one bit. This might change in a few years, but right now, I would dislike working in an organisation which essentially doesn’t support the work/life balance of people with families. The culture in the NHS is like many other corporate companies – very little time for people with children and the demands that children put on you.
I’ve been able to explore work opportunities that I would never have considered had I not quit my job. I’ve (obviously) discovered the pleasure in blogging. I’m a writer, always have been, and had forgotten this part of me until I began blogging.
I earn some money through my blog and I have also begun some freelance work for other businesses in blogging and social media roles. It’s early days, but working in this capacity fits in with family-life, not to mention gives me a creative buzz and challenge of doing something totally out of my normal comfort-zone.
As for our ‘home’. Well, we were chronically married to London before. We’d never considered moving away, because my job was in London, so always needed to be nearby. And we all know what house prices are like in London!
However, we’ve now realised that we can break our geographical ties with London, and buy a house in a less expensive area. We’re looking. We’re perpetually looking. But we WILL find a house one day soon (preferably by the end of the year).
So life is certainly nothing like I would have predicted it would be a couple of years ago. But we are a happier unit than we ever would’ve been had we chosen the other options. Kids grow up so ridiculously fast. There is no amount of money in the world that will get that time back. I made the choice to give up a lot to be with my kids, and it has been worth every penny I haven’t earnt in nursing.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know I’ve already gushed my appreciation via email but I wanted to do it here too, publicly.
I think you’ve touched loads of us with your honesty and your story in general xx
Aw, thanks so much, Tin. I wouldn’t have written it like this had you not suggested I guest on your brilliant blog – so thank you for that. Honoured to be here! xx
Love this post Fiona. I know I know your story, but its great to hear it again and remind myself how much you have been an influence on me for the better.
You are right that employers are inflexible but I wonder also about how much I hid my true feelings of what I wanted out of life once I had children. That old chesnut – ‘work/life/family’ balance isn’t written or said as ‘family/life/work balance’ now is it!
Thanks so much Alice. I really didn’t appreciate this story so much until I wrote this post and read over it. I would never have pictured myself making these decisions and being in this position a couple of years ago. Although I’m so glad I made the choices I did, I can’t help but feeling angry at the NHS for choosing to lose an entire nurse than to find a way to keep her. Seems completely bonkers to me.
It’s very inspiring to see someone change their life so radically and really grasp the new opportunities that come up – particularly blog related. So sad that big organisations are still so inflexible when it comes to work/life balance but you know, their loss. Your kids will have benefitted so much from having you around in the early years Fiona. Xx
Thanks Sam. I hadn’t thought about it all for so long, had’t really stopped to think about the gravity of the decisions we made, but I guess they were pretty big deals (still are). It is really sad that the NHS couldn’t accommodate a better work/life balance for me. The organisation would rather lose a whole entire nurse than try to find a balance that works for both parties (I feel a blog post coming on). Anyway, I’m glad either way. It meant that I got to be with the kids and cherish these precious early in which they change so much. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment, Sam xx
Love this post and Fiona. I can relate so much to this as I never thought I’d be anything but a filmmaker then after kids, I wanted to find a job that worked for them and blogging was it. It meant I could be there for my kids and earn. We lived with my folks when we moved to Leeds and that support was invaluable to us all. Loved this x
Thanks Vicki. They are such daunting choices at the time, but they make so much sense. These choices aren’t for everyone, but it was certainly the best thing for us. Thanks for reading this and for your lovely comment x
Ah, thanks for having me, Tin. Your kind words have really made me rather emotional – thank you. This post, when I finally got round to writing it, was really easy and quick to write. It was on the tip of my tongue all along. Thank you for asking me to do so. I guess that this story had become the norm, the everyday to me, so I had ceased to appreciate it. Writing it down has given me a better appreciation for the journey we have taken in the last few years, and has given me the opportunity to reflect on what it meant to all of us.
It isn’t easy making sacrifices, sometimes sacrificing things that we never thought we would have to. But it is possible. It is possible to find yourself in a better place as a result. It certainly was the case for us!