rainbow feet

Finding motherhood hard during lockdown?


You know that thing when you wish for an extra day of the weekend? Or an entire week of being able to do nothing? This isn’t it. That’s ok. The sooner we realise this, the better for us all. This is a totally new and unexpected circumstance, much in the same way coming home with your newborn, to a whole new life is nothing like what you’d imagined when you stroked your growing tummy and planned out life with your new addition. Yet we coped then and we will now.

I wanted to share how our first week of lockdown during the COVID-19 crisis was going and I didn’t at the time. This is now week three as I write this and I feel it’s a better time to share our journey. You see, much like life with a newborn or in a new relationship, the first week was easy. It was the honeymoon period. We all got on well. The eldest got on with her home education like a fish to water. She even helped out with Rainbow, her two-year-old sister whenever I needed to take a phone call or get on with some writing.

princess doing school work home educating

I remember on day one of having the kids at home, taking copious amounts of photos of us sat around the kitchen table. Princess was logged onto Show My Homework, getting on with her school work. Rainbow was learning to count with the help of a bag of raisins and some crudely drawn felt tip circles. I shared one at the time but I was aware that this probably wasn’t going to be a true barometer of times to come.

Guess what? It wasn’t.

Rainbow counting raisins

Each week gets harder. I’ve been home for a month. The kids are at the three-week marker. It’s currently Easter Holidays and we are a mess. The kids swarm the fridge and kitchen cupboards with the kind of hunger you’d expect from having just come back from a day in the wilderness or at least an activity-packed day playing sports. For people who’ve been cooped indoors all day hardly moving, it just doesn’t make sense. This is pure boredom eating. I know it, they know it but it doesn’t stop.

We’ve had to ration out snacks and explain that once it’s all gone, it’s over. The King has been going into the shops to restock on his way home from work and I hate him having to go anywhere public and put his health at risk, and ours, any more than he has to. For any of us to get struck down with Corona Virus for the sake of some chocolate chip brioche would be beyond stupid. So essentials really mean essentials and rationing is in full effect.

The toddler has turned somewhat feral and, for a while, I was in no mental state to stop her. Her hair is a matted creation that she orchestrated. I’ll regret it when it comes time to do it properly but it kept her entertained for 30 minutes so I let her loose with the brush and some hairbands. Probably not the wisest choice seeing as she’s all of 2 years old (3 this month woo!) but at the time, I’d have done anything for a few minutes of downtime. It’s also why she’s had almost free-reign on her tablet and I’m not even sorry. It’s rare that she leaves my lap and if some Fireman Sam gives me enough space to stretch my legs or make some dinner I’m here for it.

rainbow watching her tablet

I love my family. I love that I’m with them during this isolation. But at the same time, isolation is feeling pretty crowded, as someone who is somewhat introverted. I feel stuck in the middle. I’m blessed enough to have food in the cupboards, a beautiful home to stay inside and family to see us through. We have decent internet at our disposal so we can learn new skills or watch Netflix on the projector until our bums make permanent impressions in our sofa.

It could be so much worse. Yet I’m here getting house jealousy from friends and acquaintances on social media. Those with gardens for their kids to run around in. Or conservatories to soak up the sunlight from with a good book on their laps. Homes full of gorgeous plants to bring nature inside or beautiful vistas to stare out from their kitchen windows. I guess the grass is always greener.

We live in a beautiful part of the UK. There are fields to walk through within 10 minutes walk no matter which direction I choose to walk. Yet days can go by with me having no motivation to walk through them. I think some of it is fear of getting too close to others also exercising on those same stretches and partly because that would mean getting fully dressed, something that rarely happens these days! If you’re ever on a Facebook Live or Zoom call with me, know that I’ve probably got Minions PJ bottoms on regardless of how composed my top half might look!

kids playing and crafting during lockdown

All in all we are lucky. The kids are healthy and coping so much better with the current way of life than I’d have given them credit for. As I write this, the sun is streaming through the windows and the birds are singing. The King is being decorated with stickers by Rainbow and Princess is doing her chores. This is what our family COVID lockdown looks like right now.

How are you coping? What does life look like for you?