It’s hard to believe I’ve been with my partner just as long as I’ve not been with him now. Well. Kind of. I met The King when I was 17 years old, so now, at 34, I’ve known him just as long as I haven’t known him. How’s that for a big deal? Geeze, this feels like a pivotal point in our mere existence. Mine and his. I’m not claiming for a second that this balancing act has some sort of pivotal moment for you. Like how conceited would that be?
Anyway, this is The King and I’s 17 year anniversary. Of knowing each other. Not of being together, because, well life is complicated, we hit a few bumps in the road these past 17 years and there were a few moments where we didn’t realise that we were meant to be. Take that time I moved to China without him and we both explored other people. Or more recently when I moved out of London and began a single life in the middle of the English countryside.
I’m digressing I know, but that’s basically in tune with our relationship. It’s not all plain sailing after all. Relationships are fickle beasts. For
If it’s not worth breaking up over, drop it
This is something we learned way into our relationship. In the beginning we would have arguments over the stupidest of things. I remember once, falling out over the fact I finished a can of fizzy drink whilst we were driving through Hackney. The King was vexed at me for being selfish and finishing his drink. I’d found it amusing and a huge row ensued which went on to ruin our plans for the rest of the day.
Was a can of fizzy drinks something worth breaking up over? Well, nope not in the slightest. Now, both of us wouldn’t even blink over such a transgression. We still find ourselves rubbed the wrong way by each other’s actions, and whilst it’s important to feel comfortable communicating what’s pissed use off, it doesn’t cause rows. Because if it’s not worth breaking up over, why go into it like that? It’s not that serious.
Don’t go to bed angry
This follows on from the previous point. My gawd we used to really hold grudges over the most trivial of things. Now, maybe age has shortened our attention spans or maybe we just have a stronger grasp of how fickle life can be. In a moment everything can change so is it worth staying angry with the other person? We hash things out then let them lie. No going to bed angry at the other person. I remember my mum saying this to me when I was growing up and it never really hit home. Now though, as a near card carrying adult, I get it. In my own way.
Don’t expect your partner to read your mind
No matter how much you feel you and your other half are on the same page, don’t take that as a given! Just the other day, 16.8 years into our relationship, I found out that I was still expecting The King to know what it was I was thinking. We spent an entire weekend talking on parallel lines, not realising that we weren’t actually agreeing to the same situation. It happens. I learned that in relationships it’s best to be vocal. Be clear. Clarify and ask for confirmation on things that are important.
You don’t have to be on the same page about everything
As much as it’s important to communicate your intentions with your partner, it’s ok if you’re not on the same page. With many of the important things, The King and I marry up on our opinions. There are many that we differ on and that’s ok. It’s more important that we give each other the space to be heard and to be our true selves. There was a time, only a few years into our relationship, where I felt we’d never make it. We’d spoken of our goals and mine seemed like crazy, blue sky thinking in comparison to his.
Now, me wanting different things didn’t make us incompatible. What would have made us incompatible would have been our inability or refusal to support each other on their quest to what we wanted. As much as some of my goals may not be The Kings goals, you’ll never find a better enabler, cheer leader or supporter of the weird and wacky things I want. Him not wanting them has never been a reason to stop me and vice versa. We may not be on the same page about everything but we’re the biggest supporters of each other’s ideas.
Make the smallest moments special
Life isn’t all rollercoaster rides, meals out and IG worthy moments. To make a long lasting relationship work, it’s important to find value in the everyday. Being able to make the smaller moments feel just as memorable as the larger ones is a gift. The other half thinks I’m odd, but nothing makes me smile more than coming home to find the dishes done. More specifically, the pots because I HATE washing pots. It’s a small thing but it makes me so happy to see them washed and put away. See, it doesn’t have to be a grand gesture to have me weak at the knees! Similarly, me paying attention and being able to throw a Star Trek or science fiction fact into conversation makes The King randy as hell. He knows I don’t really care for it and that the only reason I’ve paid attention and logged that information is because I love him and want to have that in common with him. See. It’s the little things that make a world of difference.
Tell your partner how much they mean to you
Don’t assume they know. Tell the person you love what they mean to you. How much you love them. Why you love them. Every day if possible. Even if they shrug it off and you think they’re not listening. Tell them. Because everyone wants to feel loved. And if you don’t, someone else may very well do it for you.
Compromise isn’t a dirty word
I’m not saying to compromise on what you want from a partner. But knowing The King for half my
How long have you been with your partner? Any tips you can share?!
