I’ve been at a loss as to what I wanted to share with you all today, hence this post coming out so late in the day. It’s past 9pm and I’m sat on the steps, downstairs in the hallway typing. The girls are in the front room, neither of them quite ready to go to sleep. From where I’m perched, I can watch them snuggled up reading Moo Cow Kung Fu Cow (if you know, you know) and I’m just blessed to have them both in my life. My kids are amazing and make my life worth living. They’ve reminded me how important it is to be embracing the now but welcoming the future.
Earlier on in the month, I was distraught. I’d gone to the doctors at the beginning of the year to find out what can be done to aid me if I wanted to have another baby. They passed me onto the gynacologist team at my local hospital who left me bereft and in tears. I went back there this month and I pretty much left feeling just as low. The basic gist of it is they won’t even consider medical intervention until I lose a lot of weight. I spent a day close to tears, thinking I hid it well, but Princess asked on more than one occasion why I was so upset, so obviously I’m more transparent than I thought.
The thing is, I never thought I’d want more than one child. I was so full of love for Princess that I couldn’t imagine loving another child. I think all parents of one child feel this way. Then Bob appeared in my life and I realised that parents weren’t lying when they claimed not to have a favourite child. I learned that you really could have unwavering, all-consuming love for more than one being. My children are my life and make me want to become a better person. I also want to share that love with more children.
What I thought today, as I sat on the sofa next to them, what made me perch up on the wooden steps in our hallway and type is this; what I have is enough. I am happy with my lot and all that I’ve been blessed with so far. I’m embracing now but making room for whatever else life brings.But I will always have room to welcome more. Be that children, opportunities or wealth. I’m thankful to live in the moment and not take anything that I do have for granted.
My children and my hubby are amazing. They put up with me, humour me, love me and I do the same to them. Unconditionally. It’s not to say that I won’t try to lose the weight and add to our family, it’s to say I won’t get upset over the thought of it not happening anymore. I won’t put that added pressure on me, as if my family wouldn’t be complete without another baby. My family rocks now, it did when there were three of us, it does now there are four and it still will if we go up to five, six or even seven.
I had to come to terms with having only 1 child and that my daughter would not have siblings. It wasn’t how I saw my life turning out but it’s good. Every situation, if it’s comfortable and not in any way tragic (i.e. your’re all healthy and have a secure home to live in and enough to eat) has its advantages. The experiences we can have as a family of 2 are more available than if I had to pay for more of us. The logistics of one child make for a more relaxed life than that of frazzled mothers juggling between 3 or 4 children. I wouldn’t necessarily choose this if I had the choice but now I’m living it, it would be hard to give up the lifestyle I’ve created to have another child. It’s a gift if you’re the sort of person who can be happy with what you have and not constantly yearning for things outside your reach. Enjoy your gift. xxx
Yes I totally agree, there are definate wins to having one child. I enjoyed the level of flexibility it gave me too. I’d love another baby, but I’m happy in the life we’ve made for ourselves too