This is a guest post from the ever so talented writer and blogger, Charlene who blogs over at www.moderatemum.co.uk. Be sure to show her some comment love and check out her blog if you’re not already following her!
Even though my son Roscoe’s arrival was planned, it didn’t stop me from mourning the pre-baby me the instant I saw that second line. It was more than a dose of FOMO (although there was plenty of that). I was worried that I wouldn’t know who I was without my portfolio of after work activities and my drop everything and go attitude to family. Would I be boring? Would I be selfish? Did a friendship with me require a two drink minimum? Along with the million and one other things my son has taught me I discovered that, to my surprise, I was often better with baby.
Better Daughter
My mother can best be described as prone to the dramaz. We love each other fiercely but as many will know with a love that fierce comes the ability to irritate each other with little to no effort. My number one complaint was her fussiness,
‘Where’s your coat? What have you eaten? Should you be doing that?’ She makes me text her when I get in and I live 60 miles away – with my husband. Of course when I was handed 6.5lbs of vulnerability and told to get on with it by the discharging doctor, understanding hit me like a wet nappy. Not only was I immediately filled with every anxiety conceivable but I couldn’t imagine a day when this little guy would stop being my baby. So now I cut my dear old mum some slack and I call her when I get home.
Better Friend
I’d pretty much geared myself up to be friendless post birth. I’d heard whispered rumours of women disappearing from the social map, re-emerging 14 years later looking sad and confused. The majority of my friends are child free and our main hobby was the not so child friendly, drinking ‘til squiffy. I did find that some mates tiptoed quietly out the back door; some I just couldn’t keep up with, with a baby strapped to my chest. The ones that stuck around, that studiously ignored my nipple flashes when I tried to feed during our catch ups, I cherish them even more. I seriously appreciate their support and willingness to stick around whilst I got myself together (any day now!). My renewed love for them and the fact that I have to arrange childcare means I’m so much better at scheduling meet ups and as I’m out less frequently when we hit the town, I’m ready to party!
Better Wife
People say that a woman has a finite capacity to love and when a baby comes along any partner may find themselves relegated to a less lofty status in the affections of their spouse. If I’m honest, this happened to me and my husband found it…amazing! Three days after Roscoe’s birth my hubby was on the terraces at his beloved Aston Villa Football Club and frankly, I didn’t care. As long as I could stare into my baby’s eyes he could watch what he wanted, eat what he wanted and smell how he wanted. As long as he kept me in carrot cake, he was left to his own devices. I’m happy to admit I have a tendency to be an angsty partner, I need to know if you love me and then if you really, really love me and what are you thinking and when? Now I don’t have the time to care. So his son has given my partner many gifts but most of all the easy going wife of his dreams and I can tell you that was the last thing he imagined!
I’m so glad I have so much to be thankful for (it certainly takes the sting out of those stretch marks).
Have your relationships or habits improved since joining the ‘hood? I’d love to know if there are any areas of your life that are better with baby?
Linking up to Share the Joy and All About You
Wonderful post, motherhood is such a whirlwind of emotion and new responsibility. I felt closer to my husband after kids and he was obsessed with my our kids as I was. So important we talk and write honestly as with this post about what to really expect when kids come along. Loved this #allaboutyou
I’m so glad you enjoyed this post, Charlene’s words resonated with me too, I’m very glad she shared them with us on my blog : )
Fantastic post! Everyone says that motherhood changes you, but it’s not very often I hear people describe how, exactly.
Personally I can very much relate to what you say about friendships. Another way in which I find I’ve changed, is that I’m much better at sticking up for myself (and by extension my son). I’m less likely to say yes to work projects that I KNOW will cause lots of stress, and I’m better at spelling out exactly what I want from my personal encounters. I’m doubtful this makes me a better person, but it does mean I’m less stressed out and therefore I’m a better mum and partner!
I think it DOES make you a better person as you are a person more in tune with what it is that makes you happy, or less stressed at least!