19 weeks pregnancy update

It’s been a while since I spoke about my pregnancy. I don’t know why. Oh actually I do, it’s because it’s been awful and I didn’t want to feel like all I have to say is negative things, but hey, if that’s the majority of the thoughts that I’m having to deal with at the moment, I should feel comfortable voicing them right? If I can’t say it out here in my own slice of the web, then when can I?

The curse of pregnancy sickness continues

The constant running to the bathroom and struggling not to choke on my own saliva is still here, normally managing one meal a day without throwing up. It’s still a battle to stay close enough to a loo at all times whilst trying to lead a normal work and social life. I think it’s going ok work wise, but I’ve had to pull out of my fair share of social gatherings. I nearly pulled out of my friend’s hen party because I was throwing up less than an hour before I was due on a train into London to meet her and her other hens but she made me pull my shit together and I managed the entire night drama free, apart from being the only one who reneged from the agreed dress code colours (I’d thrown up on the outfit before I left)

Daughter’s feelings to becoming a big sister

Her relationship with ‘Bob’ seems to have improved slightly. She went away on a two week holiday to the Caribbean with my parents and I think the time away helped a bit. We’ve been looking at baby names together (everybody I’ve shared the named with HATES my first choice) and have had a few chats to the bump together which is quite sweet. I won’t go as far as to say she’s excited about being a big sister soon, but it’s not bringing her to tears anymore so that’s a massive step in the right direction.

Pregnancy body

I wouldn’t go as far as to say I have a bump as such but I’m starting to look a little bit less than I’ve just had a big meal. Everything seems to have been pushed upwards so my bump starts immediately under my breasts so I’m guessing Bob is giving himself room further down. I can’t feel any movement yet, though sometimes I think I do then decide it’s just some indigestion. That’s something to look forward to though.

I’ve got a few new tiger stripes but they’re not too pronounced and my Secret Saviours belly band just arrived in the post so I’m hoping the extra support it provides will help keep them at bay. I’ve worn it one day and it’s very comfortable. The day cream smells delicious and didn’t bother my pregnancy nausea at all which is a win! I’ll keep you updated to see if it keeps the stretch marks at bay or not!

Good news comes in threes!

I’ve found out two women I’m super close to are also expecting so it’s wonderful knowing that our kids will get to play together and that I’ll have people to visit towards the end of my maternity leave. I’ll be at that stage where I feel I’ve got everything under control (hopefully) by then so will be able to help out and be useful to them. They do say these things come in threes!

My pregnancy cravings

For someone who can’t keep much food down it’s surprising how much I still manage to obsess about food. I’ve gone through a phase of needing a fried egg covered in salad cream and pepper sauce every morning, then just as suddenly as that craving started it stopped and was replaced for a need for really salty fries.

There was also a phase of chicken shop hot wings, not an easy feat when you live in the middle of nowhere and the nearest KFC is on a service station miles away. Oh yeah, we’ve taken that drive many times!

At the moment this baby is loving coffee or mocha frappachinos from Starbucks. It’s an annoying and expensive craving but it seems to calm down the nausea so well in the mornings or before I need to commute home so I indulge in one every day or so. It’s odd because in my last pregnancy I was told coffee was a no no but in this one I was advised no more than two cups a day which I can deal with.

Pregnancy emotions and the halfway mark

I can cry at the drop of a hat now. I cried three times when we watched Moana in the cinema a few weeks ago. Luckily it was dark and loud so nobody heard me sobbing away.

I found myself getting really emotional and having a quick cry in the loos yesterday when one of the pregnancy apps I use congratulated me for getting to 20 weeks and being at the half way mark of the pregnancy. It’s a little early, I’m 20 weeks in a couple of days but shrugged off its mistake and just got consumed in the enormity of it.

I remember how terrified I was of miscarriage. Every morning I would wake up and tell myself not to get too excited or invested in the pregnancy because there’s so much going against me. The doctor didn’t tell me this, it was just me telling it to myself, I’m overweight, have miscarried in the past, am out of shape and generally felt I didn’t deserve to have this baby. Talk about being my own worst enemy. There are times when I still can’t believe this is all happening. I’d written off ever being able to have another baby years ago and here we are (nearly) 20 weeks in, talking about baby names and about to move home to make way for the little bubba. It’s all a bit surreal and I feel like something will come crashing down and ruin this at any point. To say I’m a bag of nerves is an understatement.

So that’s it for now. I’ll try to fit a few more updates in before my due date!