My abnormal smear results and colposcopy experience

This week I’m going in for my second colposcopy in less than a month. The first one caught me by surprise, having taken place within a week of receiving a letter from my local NHS trust advising me of abnormal cells in my smear test and a need to come in for the colposcopy. I tried not to panic at how quickly the appointment came about and instead stay positive, praising the National Health Service for how efficient they were being. Of course, I was still shitting it.

I went to my appointment directly after meeting with Fax, my NatWest Community Banker, which I wrote about previously on the blog. My afternoon was as different from the laid-back, blog focussed morning as you could possibly get. That’s not to say that the nurses weren’t just as friendly; it was me who was a bundle of nerves.

Fretting over my smear results, I took my fears to a private group of blogger mums on Facebook. They are rocks in my time of need and also a great laugh. As always, they were a wealth of knowledge and comfort. Quite a few of the ladies in my group had actually had the procedure done too. During a colposcopy, a dye is placed on your cervix and it highlights any abnormal cells. The technician reviews these cells via a very powerful microscope which is pointed at our cervix. They’re normally able to remove the cells then and there and carry out a biopsy at the same time. Depending on the results of the biopsy, more treatment may be carried out later.

We didn’t get as far as the biopsy. Like every other part of my body, my cervix refused to play ball. I don’t know why this came as such a surprise to me. My veins always play hard ball when it comes to giving blood. Ultrasounds always make the sonographer’s brows sweat. Why would this be any different? I had three different doctors have a go locating my cervix whilst another two members of their staff chatted to me about everything from the weather to weaning our babies. They tried their best to make it as normal as possible whilst we all watched my reproductive organs on the large screen by my head.

My first colposcopy wasn’t a success. I thought that I’d be able to quash the anxiety the ‘c-word’ had left me in that day but nope, it wasn’t to be. There was talk of taking me into theatre to do an investigation that way and I had to wait for a monthly meeting to decide on my fate. The meeting has happened and instead of the quick nap under general anaesthetic I’d expected, yet another doctor has decided they want to have a try at the regular colposcopy.

I kind of feel like I’m that broken toy that everyone assumes the person before them has been too stupid to fix, so they switch it on and off in the exact same fashion as the person before them, before admitting that yes, it really is broken. I’m so sure that this dude won’t have any more luck than three people before him at coaxing my cervix into view. I can just imagine him rolling his eyes at the doctors in the meeting, explaining how they obviously hadn’t done it right and he’d show them how to do it. Hah! He’ll be no match for my dodgy body.

Yes, I’m being light-hearted about it. I know it’s actually a serious matter, but I also know that abnormal cells do not equal cancer. I also know that I went for my smear when asked to, so if it is cancer, I hope it’s been caught early enough for something to be done about it. Admittedly I put my smear off. Not because I was scared of it, but because, like many parents out there,  anything that’s for me, even health related, is relegated to the back of the to-do list, in favour of putting my kids first. But we need to put ourselves first in order to be there for our kids at times too. I pray these pesky cells aren’t cancerous, but if they are, I’m so thankful I had my smear and they were caught early.